It is no secret that in family law there are those individuals who are willing to stop at almost nothing to cause harm and wreak vengeance upon a spouse who dares to oppose them. Most of these individuals suffer from terrible personality disorders and these individuals are encouraged by the manner in which our adversarial system is constructed and thus the manner in which the courts and therapists enable their behavior. Since the original purpose of all court proceedings was to determine who is to blame, and the power of the state can be used to both identify and punish that person, nothing suits such persons better than the court system. Here is an excerpt from the following site:
“Cognitive Distortions And Litigation
Few legal professionals understand the attraction of those with personality disorders or traits to the legal process. Yet a comparison of characteristics shows a perfect fit, which may explain why they increasingly show up in court as High Conflict Personalities.
| Characteristics of HCPs | Characteristics of Court Process |
| Lifetime Preoccupation: Blaming others | Purpose: Deciding who is to blame, who’s guilty |
| Avoid taking responsibility | Court will hold someone else responsible |
| All-or-nothing thinking | Guilty or not guilty are usually the choices |
| Seek attention and sympathy | One can be center of much attention |
| Aggressively seek allies | Gather and bring many advocates to court |
| Speak in dramatic and emotional extremes | Argue or testify in dramatic and emotional extremes |
| Focus intensely on other’s past behaviors | Hear or give testimony on other’s past behaviors |
| Punish those guilty of “harming” you | Court is the most powerful place to impose punishment in our society |
| Try to get others to solve your problems | Many professionals will work hard to solve your problems |
| It’s okay to lie if you feel desperate | In reality, the court rarely acknowledges or punishes lying (perjury) |
”
The most vulnerable parties in all of these proceedings are, of course, the children. And it comes as no surprise to anyone that children can be used as a weapon against another parent. This dynamic is from which stems the concept of “parental alienation” which historically has been called “poisoning the children against (x)”.
Children do not wish to take sides, any more than you would wish to part with either your left arm or right arm. A person who forces a child to make such a choice probably causes permanent damage to the ability of that child to form normal relationships in the future. Alienation, to be sure, probably does more to create future generations of family law litigants than anything else.
Unfortunately for us, California’s family courts rarely protect children against alienators. Alienators can rely upon courts to provide delay after delay until it is far too late for anything to be done about it, and therapists will offer their services at high prices and attempt to “reunify” alienated children with their parent, well aware that the child goes home with the alienator where the indoctrination can go on unabated.
Simply put, there is really no alternative to removing children from the custody of the alienating parent but there is also very little chance the courts will do such a thing. I know this is not good news for parents out there who are victims of alienation, but I see no alternative to placing pressure on the courts to view such matters in a different light. Until the family courts begin to challenge the credibility of alienators, remove the children from the custody of alienators, and use the police to enforce child custody orders, no matter how old the children are, the alienators are really in control of the courts.
Some examples of behavior which indicates parental alienation are:
